Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Shoot the “Ole Fart”...

No, you don’t really want to do that.  There are better ways to gain peace than spending the rest of your life in jail for pre-mediated homicide, but you can admit that you have thought about it. 
I don’t know why older men tend to get crotchety, but a lot of women express frustration with their mate’s crankiness.
In the early days of my husbands retirement he was often  cranky.  Naturally I felt that this was directed at me so I recoiled into my shell while smoldering for revenge.  Great, that made both of us miserable.
After months of talk and trial, I now look at him in his cranky mood––hands on hips, face ready for war and “sweetly” ask, “what’s the matter.”
THE stance is his clue that his crotchetiness is not appreciated, and he knows that crotchety is NOT pretty.  It’s a simple exchange reminding him that life is good, and that his pet peeve of the moment probably isn’t worth all of the negative energy.  Then he returns to that nice guy I married so long ago.
What’s your remedy?  How do you displace crotchetiness in your household?  Share your ideas and be a hero to someone.  It’s time for Wives to Unite.  Let’s make the retirement years tranquil and happy.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

You and Your Husband's Retirement

Has your husband recently retired?  Are you thinking...It wasn’t supposed to be like this?

Speak out and Join in

Retirement is a major life adjustment...   Your lives are suddenly in turmoil, but take heart
You Are Not Alone
This blog is for you...
  • Find answers about retirement.  
  • Gloat about your glorious shared retirement.
  • Vent over something unbelievable that just happened.  
  • Share a laugh about the foibles of this new life venture.
Join the fun... 
  • Read stories that will make you laugh––or cry––or wonder
  • Share the goofy, annoying or wonderful things have happened to you and your mate 
Check in regularly... 
  • Experience the joy of sharing.
  • Help the rest of us learn from your experience.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Don't Be A Statistic


Not long ago I read that 16% of 30+ year marriages end in divorce.  Most of them occur after retirement.  Obviously most of us married more than 30 years are also of retirement age so of course these divorces occur after retirement, but it is more than the age factor.  
Retirement seems to be a big factor in the decision to divorce, but it can be prevented.
I have been doing research for my upcoming book, Survive Your Husband’s Retirement, and was struck by many how many wives expressed frustration with the situation. 
 “He always questions what I do,”   “He follows me around all the time,”
“He wants to know where I am going and what time I will be home.”  
 “He’s grumpy”  and on and on it goes. 
Perhaps some of these marriages were in trouble before, and his “24/7” presence has only aggravated the situation.  Still, even when a marriage had been all cherries and bliss, the need for adjustments after retirement are significant.  The good news is that many of these adjustments are simple and doable. 
Generally women have an easier time with retirement than men do. That is probably because a man’s identity is frequently connected to his role of provider, and when he gives that up, he finds himself looking for a purpose.  It is not your role to find that purpose for him, but just knowing that might help you be patient as he seeks to find activities that mean something to him. 
Another problem in the relationship can also be that “24/7” presence.  Whether you are retired, still working outside of the home or have been “at home” for a while, you probably have your favorite routines, contacts and activities and are not in the habit of accounting for them all the time.  
Over the next few blogs we will be talking about opening conversation on problem areas; how to help one another realize the needs of the other, and how to identify what is needed to return the harmony in your marriage.
Don’t be a statistic.  Join us in the conversation.  Tell us your stories--what’s great and what bugs you--and find answers from others’ experiences.  Retirement should be fun.  Let’s make it that way! 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Adjusting to Your Husband's Retirement

Why would anyone write a book called 
 Survive Your Husband's Retirement?

Or should I say WE lived it, and it wasn’t a pretty picture.
My husband retirement in 2009 wasn’t planned, and we had not thought about how we would share this new time together.  I won’t bore you with the details, but trust me, we needed to make significant adjustments. 
During my research and adjustment period I learned that over 16% of 30 + year marriages end in divorce after retirement, and I knew that I did not want to be one of those statistics.  I talked  to other wives with retired husbands, and saw that most couples also had to make significant adjustments in retirement.   
Then it occurred to me:
  • “Non-retiring” spouses need a safe forum to vent 
  • Helpful ideas could help readers regain their “pre-retirement” sanity 
  • Improved sanity could prompt renewed marital bliss 
  • As dedicated problem solvers, women eagerly share good ideas
  • A blog is a safe place to vent and share ideas 
So...come with your stories your concerns about adjustments in retirement…
Feel better about this period in your marriage.  

Read stories that could prompt good ideas for you and your marriage.  

Make Life More Beautiful than you might ever have imagined.   
YOU DESERVE IT… Even if YOU  aren’t retiring



Make retirement joyful, loving and more beautiful than you ever could have imagined.   

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